I've moved.

I'm over here!!!

http://www.myspace.com/heathersinnott

La Belle Vie

I'm picking up and feeling better.
Thank God. I can't seem to function like that. Someitmes I just crash. It sux. I guess everyone does sometimes I'm just having a rough year so far. I have been working constanly since Dec on theater plays. And I have another coming up, Lisistrata soon that I am working on the costumes for. Next after that is Alice through the Looking glass, like a sequel to alice in wonderland, it is super elaborite but I'm excited. I'm the scenic artist, I paint the sets and do all the detail work and specific feature pieces for the play. It's the part of my schooling that I love in my program and sooo look forward to finishing and working in the theatre union, or just working in my area. I have completly fallen in love with tech theater. Though the last theater festival I worked in (last week) I had to do all the lighting and I really don't enjoy that aspect of it., For someone who has grown up on stage I love all the behind the scenes thing and not so concerned with acting. I feel like I finnaly found something that combines my gifts and that I really enjoy. My god I'm a techee. not excatly the typical nerd with classes you remeber in highschool but this art of creating atmosphere is insane. It ties in soo much with my art and is changing what I do.
I;ve been thinking alot about putting together an installation piece. soo cool I would have nowhere to put it but I want to try it. I have all these conceptual ideas I'm putting together and I son't really know where to start.as well as alot of combinations of preforamnce, dance and painting art and video art. I don't know just lots of things taking me away from my tradition role as the painter. I have become obsessed with printmaking in wood cut and have been letting my creativity explode as well as really facing issues I believe in or are dealing with or struggle with. But it's transforming my art like crazy. Still so into the music scene with my work and obsessed with stage and jazz subjects I am evolving and changing the way I see and the way I interperate it all. I;'m also working alot with movement and gesture in human forms. I just can't wait for my exhibition in April here in Lennoxville and I got asked to submit for another exhibit in march in toronto for missionfest (which I have been apart of years beofre but been away) and another in next year for the Eastern Township artists exhibiting in a main, big gallery in Sherbrooke My work is also being published this year in 2 books for bishops, well one is a magazine. I was in it last year and it is a collection of the students work called paper gallery. Also the Mitre which is a book of publications from the universtiy put our every year for like the past 50. I find I am making some good contacts I am just dying to get back home to Toronto to get myself involved in shows and get myself together. I have lots of big dreams and Ideas that some are pretty far out there, some are attainable but one big step for me is to have a solo exhibition. I think that would be amazing. anyway lot's of fun and excitement.
On my way to QC city tomorrow for valentines day.very excited to see the art and enjoy the music and food.
xo Heather

so.. this is my heart.

sitting awake.
endless sleepless nights.
in a similar situation but somehow better.
disconnected from the world.
hiding in my mountains
I wait.
I listen,
in my own strange way I seek out truth but I am left still feeling unsatisfied.
Questions surround me.
why?
i hate to admit I haven't touched this blog thing in months. and I feel so built up with thoughts and feelings they need to come out.
they don't make sence. jumbled twisted and a big mes nearly impossible to figure out.
My rescue? my release of insanity.

I broke.
finally I broke.
God nailed me and I broke.
it was good and scary but I still can't figure what I'm afraid of.
afraid to dream big?
afraid to run with Him?
Fly with Him?
I still feel filled with tears.
My heart aches with every sappy commercial or kind gesture,
like a kiddy pool waiting to burst from a fat guy sitting in it.
what is there?
what is the problem and why?
why why why why why why why.
I run I never stop.
I run and run away,
far from here, far from me.
there's still so much more changing.
in every good thing I mean the past 5 months I have made major progress..
I choose not to see it.
I tear myself repeatedly.
I don't see the change that has occured just more things I want to change.
I want to change.
perhaps this is good?
but I leave in a state of superficial happiness with myself seeking out more things I need to change, things I want to change, But I fight with me. I fight with God while he does it..
I am moving I am growing, but this state of numb rebellion is killing me.
fighting to change, fighting to grow.
The song that comes from me is the most desperate cry fromt he deepest place
please. hear me.
for this agony in my heart to stop.
I am becoming more passionate.
for life. for people. for my future.
this is good.
but the changing stirs my every inch inside me Dad,
your teaching me and preparing me.
but does any of this make sence?
you see me. watch over me love me and hold me but in changing me and preparing me I feel so left alone.
and when I am wrenched and have nothing left, I am wrenched more.
I know in my heart that there is purpose and reason,
but why isn't change easy?
Keep doing whatever it is that you are doing but help me.
I can't do it alone.

halloween #2

God pick me up,
help me to see.

anyways.. enough of my heart.
2nd halloween, we saw this crazy baxnd last night it was awesome!

off to painting class

missing classes, hectic busy and going crazy.
coffee, cigareetes and stress.
I can't seem to get a handle on things..
I have been trying but with this heavier course load I seem to just be falling not flying like I love to do.
I am working hard yet my objectives aren't as raised as last year.
My marks aren't as high and my head is in th clouds.
I can't seem to get down.
I am yearning to be settled
and with all the plans to come like moving to Japan I feel a little lost trying to find me.
Overwhelmed by the littlest things, loosing more and more weight trying to stay focused.
I'm wasting away...
My mind id tired my soul is weak.
I am trying to stay with God through all of this but I find that I easily forget that I am strong in him.
I'm having fun, living life but don't seem quite as happy as I have been.
why?
Can you live a life without God? Full and satisfying?
I'm experiencing not.. at least a life that my who concentration isn't on God right now, I feel too busy for him. Sorry that sounds bad but my house is a mess my dog won't shut up, I study constanly and I'm always at school , in class or doing homeowrk or working in the plays and it's hard to have quality time with Luke let alone God.
I have to keep remebering that university is hard and I can't expect to do it with little effort.
I work hard, I try to keep my head up and I don't even know if I look forward to the future when I'm done.
Going back to reality, work and proper living.
A career, real life with tough challanges and real decisions.
A family, closeness, intimacy with more than just me and Luke.
This place is like a little hiding place for us. an escape from the real world.
A place where it is just us.
do I want to run away from the world?
But I still seek the relationships I am away from?
I love and miss the people I'm away from I miss them I miss being with them but the resposibility that is in Ontario my home is even more overwhelming than this.
frig, everything rolls up like bails of hay, snowballing forward to run me over.

happy halloween!

so our halloween here at the school was on Thursday but it was great and we had an amazing time. Though I can't seem to understand why everyone here insists on doing shrooms here at my school on halloween... I can't tell you how many people had bad trips including a friend who landed flat on her face from passing out... sucks. Why on earth would you do this to yourself? I don't get it and I don't think I ever will. Well Luke and I were scandeloous, a schoolgirl and a stripper it was waaay too funny. Luke and his 3 buddies were all stippers and oh my gosh let me tell you how many people lined up for lap dances. haha kidding of course though I love my sexy husband and I was the only girl who recieved his lapdances! cute boy he makes me laugh. anyway here's a pic it was great!

the awakening

Though my body sleeps my mind is awake.

Do I dare dream of those things I am so uncertain of.

Posed questions, how far would you go for a dream..

How far would I go, well I'm here,

no matter how big my dreams get they seem to just get bigger.

Why does this scare me so much?

I sleep, though I do not rest.

I dream but I get nightmares.

Sleepless nights of my mind and wrestling in my body cause a forever longingness to seek rest.

Calm my heart and mind,

sleep in me.

Rest in me new streams of life.

Discovery of self of the artist within.

Seeking full and vibrant, overflowing of security and newfound treasures.

Create in me desire,

awake my soul and sing.

surviving the craziness

SooooOoOoOoo Sleepy and spaced out but I am surviving the school year. Sorry I have dissapeared.. I don't think anyone noticed anyway.. haha